You would think I realized my marriage was over the day I found out my husband was having an affair. Or maybe it was the day I found out he had been having multiple affairs. It could have been when I realized the extreme mind manipulation I was under by the person I trusted the most in this world. Or it could have been me recognizing the constant emotional abuse I was enduring. NOPE! None of those things made me realize it was time for a divorce. As devastated as I was, I was not ready to let him go. Sure… we separated and each of us found new places to live. We separated our finances and pretty much everything else in our lives but he continued to be a big part of my life for 10 months after the initial filing of the divorce papers.
There was the illusion that I was a single mom but I really wasn’t. He still wrote me to ask me how I slept. He would come over when I wasn’t feeling well or when I was overwhelmed with the baby. He would stay the night. He would travel with us and spend the day with us on holidays. He would take us all to the movies. I found myself falling right back into our marriage. I felt that I needed him. I couldn’t possibly live without him.
The same issues that we had during our marriage carried on into our co-parenting relationship.
The other women.
That is because it was never a co-parenting relationship. It was a RELATIONSHIP! We were codependent on each other and it was not healthy for us or for the kids.
After another pointless argument and blow up, I had enough. I snapped out of the spell he had on me. I finally realized that I needed to stand up for myself and for my girls. We were beyond repair, and I was not being a good example for my daughters by staying in this nightmare of a marriage.
I knew it was time to hire a lawyer and work on finalizing our divorce. I knew this would not go well with my husband. I knew it would be an absolute nightmare. I knew this would mean I would truly be a single mother. I knew that my girls could lose their father. I knew that this would hit the girls and I hard financially, emotionally, and physically, but I also knew that this was something I had to do.
The first week and a half was tough. Very tough. I did my best to control my emotions but the truth was I was angry.
I was angry that my marriage had failed.
I was angry that my co-parenting relationship had failed.
I was angry that I handed over money that should have been used on the girls to a lawyer.
I was angry that I hadn’t done it sooner.
I was angry that I let my emotions get the best of me at times.
I was angry that someone I loved so much could hurt me and our girls so deeply.But… I soon realized that I was a lot happier. The depression that plagued my life started to lift. The self doubt that controlled my every thought disappeared, and despite my new role as a single mother, my energy levels began increasing. I didn’t expect this but I sure did embrace it. I made a vow to myself to see this through, to stay strong, and to never let another man take away my self worth.