You would think I realized my marriage was over the day I found out my husband was having an affair.

Maybe it was the day I found out he had been having multiple affairs.

It could have been when I realized the extreme mind manipulation I was under by the person I trusted the most in this world.

It could have been me recognizing the constant emotional abuse I was enduring.

NOPE! None of those things made me realize it was time for a divorce. As devastated as I was, I was not ready to let him go. Sure… we separated and each of us found new places to live. We separated our finances and pretty much everything else in our lives but he continued to be a big part of my life for 10 months after the initial filing of the divorce papers.

There was the illusion that I was a single mom but I really wasn’t. He still wrote me to ask me how I slept. He would come over when I wasn’t feeling well or when I was overwhelmed with the baby. He would stay the night. He would travel with us and spend the day with us on holidays. He would take us all to the movies. I found myself falling right back into our marriage. I felt that I needed him. I couldn’t possibly live without him.

The same issues that we had during our marriage carried on into our co-parenting relationship.

The arguments.

The games.

The lies.

The other women.

That is because it was never a co-parenting relationship. It was a RELATIONSHIP! We were codependent on each other and it was not healthy for us or for the kids.

After another pointless argument and blow up, I had enough. I snapped out of the spell he had on me. I finally realized that I needed to stand up for myself and for my girls. We were beyond repair, and I was not being a good example for my daughters by staying in this nightmare of a marriage.

I knew it was time to hire a lawyer and work on finalizing our divorce. I knew this would not go well with my husband. I knew it would be an absolute nightmare. I knew this would mean I would truly be a single mother. I knew that my girls could lose their father. I knew that this would hit the girls and I hard financially, emotionally, and physically, but I also knew that this was something I had to do.

The first week and a half was tough. Very tough. I did my best to control my emotions but the truth was I was angry.

I was angry that my marriage had failed.

I was angry that my co-parenting relationship had failed.

I was angry that I handed over money that should have been used on the girls to a lawyer.

I was angry that I hadn’t done it sooner.

I was angry that I let my emotions get the best of me at times.

I was angry that someone I loved so much could hurt me and our girls so deeply.But… I soon realized that I was a lot happier. The depression that plagued my life started to lift. The self doubt that controlled my every thought disappeared, and despite my new role as a single mother my energy levels increased. I didn’t expect this but I sure did embrace it. I made a vow to myself to see this through, to stay strong, and to never let another man take away my self worth.

I took my life back.

Trippin' Momma

Blogger, Storyteller, Traveler, and Kick A** Single Momma!


Photographer 

Blogger, Storyteller, Traveler, and Kick A** Single Momma!

Related posts

13 thoughts on “The Day I Realized My Marriage Was Over”

  1. josh

    sorry I hope this eases your pain and suffering.

  2. Sharlene

    Girl, I love this! You are so talented with voicing what’s in your heart and mind! I would love to read more! But I hate that you had to go through something so painful, you and your girls. You’re a wonderful woman and I know God has something amazing for you! Stay strong Beautiful!

    1. Sharlene, thank you so much for your kind words. I firmly believe that the most challenging things in our lives help shape us into the people we are supposed to do. I have faith that through this pain, the girls and I will someday change lives.

  3. Odyssey

    Amoya! I am glad to see that you are using the things that has caused you pain to bring you peace and relief!
    Your volunerability will allow others to walk through their storms and grow!
    I wish you continued success and congrats on finding your strength for you and your girls!
    Love you girl!!
    -Odyssey

    1. Odyssey, your kind words are much appreciated. I think it is challenging to write about our personal lives in such a public forum. However, I think vulnerability and truthfulness are key in my path towards healing. Hopefully my words can help someone going through a similar situation. Love you too!

  4. Annette E. Uzoh

    Wow Amoya. I was very moved by your words…Thank you for sharing. I’m sure this was cathartic and healing for you to reveal. I am happy that you and your girls are in a much better space. God bless.

    1. Thank you, Annette. You are very right. Although this was extremely challenging to write and reveal, it was also necessary for healing. God bless!

  5. Monica Neal

    I’m so sorry for the pain your family had to go through. But your strength and beauty truly shows and your girls are so lucky to have an amazing mother! ❤

    1. Thank you Monica for your kind words and support.

  6. Linda

    You and the girls are never alone. You have both Joe and I. It’s tough being a single parent but you have done a marvelous job raising your 2 older girls and I know you will be awesome at raising your youngest. I’m truly sorry for the pain you and the girls have endured. Let us know if there is anything we can do for you and the girls. I look forward to more of your writings with happier times for you and the family. Your writings are truly moving. You should consider writing a book and seeking out a publisher.

    1. Linda, your kind words are much appreciated. I truly do appreciate all the help you have Joe have been for the girls and I. I couldn’t have made it through a lot of the tough times without the both of you. I am definitely looking into writing a book in order to help others in this situation. Love you both bunches!

  7. Sorry you experienced this but glad you found the strength to leave!

    1. jaknudson21@yahoo.com

      Thank you, Kingteeuhh. I am thankful every day that I found the strength to leave.

Let me know what you think