In the beginning, I blamed myself. It was only natural for me to think I must have been the one to blame for all the pain. Surely, there had to be a reason why he would hurt me over and over again. Surely I asked for it. The bruises were mainly not visible. You see. When the mind is abused people rarely know. However, when the bruises are visible, people might be more concerned. We must not let people know what is really happening behind those closed doors. Keep up the appearance. We are a normal family, right? Darn. Once again, I’ve done something wrong to upset him. I am not sure what but I must have said or done something, right?
I’ve spoken to hundreds of women in the last two years who are victims of domestic abuse. They heard my story and knew I could relate. Some asked for help. Some just wanted me to know that after reading my story they found the courage to leave. Some are still trapped, scared, and vunerable. I pray for them often. It is not easy to leave.
There is a very good chance that you love this person who hurts you. There is a very good chance that you don’t even recognize that what is happening to you is abuse. I didn’t. Often, I was confused and because I was so alienated from friends and family I had no one to talk to about all the confusion. The only thing keeping me sane was my children. Our family needed to stay intact. Having been a single mother before, the thought of being one again and of failing terrified me.
It Is Not Your Fault
Okay. Listen closely. Lean in because I think you really need to hear this. It is not your fault. It will never be your fault no matter what your abuser says. No matter what your mind will try and convince you of. The bruises would have still come even if you were nicer. Those harsh words would have come even if you cleaned more, cooked more, and made love more. The other women. They would still have come even if you were skinnier, prettier, smarter, nicer. Do you get what I am saying?
It Is Not Your Job
This not your fault. Hurt people hurt people. That does not excuse their behavior because it is their job to deal with their past trauma. You need a life partner not a project. It is not your job to heal a broken man. It is his job. This took me such a long time to understand. You get show others how you deserve to be treated. Set that bar so high that even some of the greatest will have such a hard time getting up there. You see. Once you truly understand your worth and develop a love for yourself like none other, you will attract only the very best. I promise.
You are not ruined. You are not broken. Quite the opposite beautiful queen. I see you. I hear you. I will continue rooting for you. I am not going to tell you that you absolutely must escape now. I know that a woman gets out when she is damn well ready not when someone else tells her to. You are strong. You are worth it and you will make it through this.